Pregnancy Loss

Pregnancy loss can happen in many ways You could have a miscarriage or a stillbirth You may choose to have an abortion because of serious problems with the baby No matter how pregnancy loss happens its normal to feel sad You may also feel helpless angry and disappointed that you will never get to meet your baby Miscarriages stillbirths and birth defects can have many origins They may be due to health problems in the mother Lifestyle choices like smoking can make miscarriage also called spontaneous abortion more likely Much of the time though miscarriage is the result of a genetic accident The growth and development from embryo to fetus to baby is very complicated Even if both parents are healthy its possible for something to go wrong To learn more about why pregnancy loss happens visit the articles on Miscarriage and Spontaneous Abortion Some people arent deeply troubled by pregnancy loss If youre able to accept the loss of your pregnancy put it behind you and move on thats great If youre having trouble though there are many things you can do to help overcome your sadness Just because you never met this baby doesnt mean he or she wasnt real to you You might have chosen a name picked out furniture for a nursery maybe even started saving for college No one would question the need for a funeral if your baby had died after birth Having a memorial for the pregnancy that you lost can also help ease your pain and allow you to feel closure Choose a location It could be your home a friends home a favorite outdoor place or anywhere you feel safe and comfortable Gather friends Pregnancy loss is a very personal thing so make this gathering personal too Invite only your closest friends and most supportive family members Say a prayer together If youre not religious choose a favorite poem or write a message of love to the baby Rabbi Goldie Milgram who has developed mourning rituals for miscarriage suggests having your loved ones recite a sentence from Psalm 185 From a narrow place this woman or couple cries out we hear her you we care for her you her your sorrow is huge Narrow place brings images of a woman trapped in sadness The Hebrew word for narrow place can also mean birth canal a reference to your loss

Write about your sadness or disappointment Then in a safe place and with your friends around you set the paper alight and let the flames carry your bad feelings away Women often pretend that everything is fine even if theyre feeling terrible Maybe your partner is sad about the pregnancy loss and you dont want to burden him with your pain Maybe you feel silly for mourning a baby who was never born Burying your feelings can be very stressful You may find yourself having trouble concentrating lashing out at loved ones or crying at unexpected times Acknowledging your feelings can free up your energy so you can begin to heal